Sunday, May 18, 2014

My Miracle

If before you were born, I could have gone to Heaven and saw all the beautiful souls, I still would have chosen you.

If God had told me, "This one will one day need extra care and needs," I still would have chosen you.

If He had told me, "This soul will make your heart bleed," I still would have chosen you.

If He had told me, "This soul will make you question the depth of your faith," I still would have chosen you.

If He had told me, "This soul will make tears flow from your eyes that could fill a river," I still would have chosen you.

If He had told me, "This soul may one day make you witness overbearing suffering," I still would have chosen you.

If He had told me, "All that you know to be normal will drastically change," I still would have chosen you.

Of course, even though I would have chosen you, I know it was God who chose me for you.

By Terri Banish

I am so lucky to be Clark's momma. I am so lucky to have been blessed with such a special little life. When we first found out about Clark's Spina Bifida I really struggled with trying to understand why this happened to us. I felt betrayed by God. I felt alone. It wasn't until a few weeks later when I was talking with a dear friend of mine and she was sharing a conversation she had with her husband that I fully understood God's purpose for gifting such a special baby to Cameron and I. She said she was asking her husband, "Why Cyrena? Why did this have to happen to her?" Her husband simply replied, "Why not Cyrena? She is a woman of strong faith who loves the Lord." When I heard this it was like I heard the angels singing. I finally saw Clark's birth defect not as a burden but a gift. Now, I know you probably are thinking I'm crazy for thinking for considering my son's hardships as a gift but really it is. Clark has not only taught Cameron and I so much, but he has touched so many hearts in ways I didn't even know were possible. Clark has taught me what faith means. Clark has taught me the true meaning of sacrifice. He has really taught me the meaning of unconditional love. Clark has shown me what it really means to be a fighter and what strength really is. My son is a miracle. 

I know as our lives continue we will face many more hardships. I know that things won't always be easy. I know that there will be times where I forget how blessed we are and fall into the 'why me' trap again. All of these things are true, but I also know that God is faithful. I know that when I do struggle with the thoughts of feeling betrayed and alone, God will tell me to look at my son and I'll see all the mountains He has moved to make my life the masterpiece it is and will continue to be.

Much love, Cyrena

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

A Little Update!

Clark and I are still rocking! It has been 14 days since my water broke but he is still hanging on! We had an ultrasound today and Clark weighed in at 3 pounds 13 ounces! He is in the 69th percentile for his gestational age, what a chunk! Overall he is still very healthy and the only changes outside of his weight is the size of his ventricles. His ventricles are measuring at 21mm and 22mm, they are bigger but this is also to be expected.

I am doing okay with being admitted. It is very hard for my personality to be confined not only to one room, but to be stuck in bed all day long. I struggle with feeling closed in and have a hard time with not being able to take a wheel chair ride out for some fresh air. Although I have such a hard time with being admitted, I am finding peace with it. All of this is for our little guy and what better reason could there be than that!?

Cameron and I are still blown away with the amount of love, prayer, and support everyone has shown us over the past few months. We really appreciate the flowers, visits, and cards that have been sent our way! We love and appreciate you all so much!

A glimpse of what my days look like. The bottom monitor tracks Clark's heart rate and the top monitor tracks my contractions.